Tyrants and Tiaras – common myths about our Monarchy.

It’s the Jubilee next week, probably Monday or Tuesday. In light of this momentous celebration of villainy, here are two common myths briefly discussed and somewhat debunked.

Myth One: The Queen and institutional Monarchy is good for the economy and value for money.

This argument is about as backwards as it gets. It’s for cabbage throwers, unflinching, vacant and cowering flag wavers and those sullied individuals on the take and part of the steaming gravy train. It’ll be churned out repeatedly like a deluded arrogant mantra across the unquestionably partial mainstream media, the Beeb will tell the world we all love Madge, and ITV will run supermarket adverts convincing us an Asda sausage is are more patriotic than Iceland’s.

 So, good for the economy? (not sausages, but the Queen I mean).

Well, it’s a tenuous argument to start with. For instance prostitution is great for the Thai economy. Drugs are great for Amsterdam, Scotland have bag pipes? If the economy is paramount, whilst right and wrong take a back seat, why not have Queenie turning on a red light in Buckingham palace – a buck a fuck – whilst she occasionally blows on a different kind of instrument. That would draw in the crowds of imbeciles wanting to throw money at something/anything to fill the void of their empty subjugated lives. But it would also be a bit… gross? However grossness to one side, my point is any argument justifying a policy on economic grounds is repugnant and more often than not a weak one.

Two further connected points:

1. I dispute UK tourism is based on our monarchy 2. If it is, by all means keep the monarchy (forgo with the execution), but let them use their own vast income (which is no doubt considerable – considering they own and receive rent from about 2/3 of the nation) to pay the civil list,  their lavish travelling around the world, up-keep of their palaces and Royal butt wipers.

2. A country reliant on tourism is not a country to be proud of – we become a monkey in a zoo wearing a kiss me quick hat.

Myth Two: The Monarchy is value for money?

 The total cost of the monarchy (202 million per year) is greater than or equal to the annual cost of:

 9,560 nurses

 8,200 police officers

 Ministry of Defence spending on food (£195m)

 Oxfordshire County Council’s annual social care budget (£198m)

 Department of Health spending on the Cancer Drugs Fund (£200m)

 Central government support for medical research charities (£200m).

So let’s keep it real this Jubilee, you know as the mainstream media try to convince the world we’re all a bunch of serfs on our knees singing hollow jingoistic words for people who bully and steal from a nation every day of their lives. The Monarchy are probably the biggest bunch of thieves in the nation – bar the Tories and old age pensioners (they’re always at it). The Monarchy are unelected descendants of murderers, manipulators, a pinion of the armed forces and reminder that we do not live in a democracy but a plutocracy enforced by a military junta.

NB: On the plus side – bank holiday, innit?

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Irked ramblings of Tom Conrad