Perhaps you lay in bed after sex and just think – well that was great, but now I want to scratch, watch TV and eat peanuts – stop hugging me you mad bitch. It could even be that you’ve just had no luck with dating or you suffer from advanced agoraphobia (a fear of, well, basically everything). Well, don’t fear any longer because there is a solution to every problem and living in the 21st Century means you no longer have to do that pesky little thing called dating to secure a partner.
The solution is simple… buy one.
Of course I’m not talking about the lady in red on the street corner or flicking through the greasy classifieds in a local newspaper. I’m suggesting you invest in a Real LOVE Doll. What, the more innocent of you might ask, is a love doll? Well, I’m not talking about the “hilarious” blow up dolls you see on stag doos in Blackpool or any of the recently controversial Miley Cyrus range either.
Real Dolls are made from silicone with a realistic skeletal frame and incorporate android technology, so unlike their cheaper inflatable cousins, the blow up doll, a real doll feels human and has mood settings, personality settings and can talk to you.
What you waiting for?
Your silicone harem awaits you.
For six thousand dollars or three thousand-ish pounds you can custom order your new girlfriend. Pick her hair colour, eye colour, ethnicity and bra size and then simply add some personality, depending on what floats your boat because there’s S&M Sally, Mothering Molly or Debbie the Dominatrix, to name just a few. If you’re more into hermaphrodites you can even custom order your very own lady boy with a detachable vagina and penis, so there’s no need to travel to Thailand.
Perhaps disturbingly though some men consider these dolls companions and I can only imagine what such a guy says to their sex doll when they get home:
“Hi, honey, how was your day?”
“Well, darling, I’ve just been chilling in the closet hanging by my neck and awaiting your arrival.”
That said for these closet sex doll guys the complaints about being a selfish lover are a thing of the past, and the best part is now size really doesn’t matter. In fact there seem to be a lot of pro’s to ditching girls and going android. That is if you like cold moldable silicone opposed to warm girl body because your new bendable girlfriend is frigid in a whole new sense. Cold to the touch, she makes the ideal mate if you’ve always wondered what doing a vampire would be like. Another upside I would suppose is sex without strings or sexually transmitted diseases
attached, and you don’t have to worry about spawning little silicone babies either.
Maybe ladies you’re suddenly feeling left out?
Well you’re be pleased to hear it’s not just for guys. In this modern world filled with gender equality women can now order their own Ken doll, right down to penis size and pubic hair, just ignore the add on of anus size and you can almost imagine that it was created purely for women. Perhaps most women still favour things like the pocket pussy; if so does that make us better or worse than men who own dolls? Men replicate the whole woman, women just replicate the part that really counts – to them.
All in all it kind of makes me miss the good old days when lonely men had magazines and Mrs. Palmer and her 5 daughters.
One final thought… how are they delivered? In a life size crate?
“Here’s your delivery.”
“Oh thanks… erm, it’s a box set of dvds.”
“It’s okay man, I got my Strap-on Sally at home waiting for me.”
Written by Angelique Redmond